Contradictory feelings of a new mum

New mum feeling overwhelmed…yet content?!

 

vs. 

Having a baby…one of the most exciting times of your life, yet scary. A time when you can grapple with emotions so many times in a day you feel like the British weather. You really do feel all over the place but…very content at the same time. How is that possible?? We are here to introduce you to …

The flip-sides of motherhood

Guilt vs contentment

However hard you try, guilt will be a big part of your life from the moment you conceive. It can start with breastfeeding (or not) and can make even confident mums feel overwhelmed and despondent. Others questioning your choices, not feeling up to the job are just some of the guilty feelings you may have.

But when you have a baby, you will simultaneously feel contentment like you’ve never known. A happiness so deep, a fulfilment so strong. You may even feel that your family is complete, or you have never achieved something so monumental.  Then, of course, the guilt comes back!

 

 

 

 

 

 

Wildly unknowing vs. Instinct kicking in 

Your baby cries…is it wind? Colic? Dirty nappy? Is he ill?

Your baby won’t sleep…does she need a routine? Cuddles? Dream feed?

Just because you’ve read all of the books, doesn’t mean you have the answers! No one told you that parenting would be so hard.

Then just when you think you can’t do it…your instincts kick in.  You are a born mother, you know just what to do. This isn’t so hard, you are a natural.

But wait, now your little one has a temperature…oh no!

Ludicrously happy vs incredibly sad

The rollercoaster of hormones can wreak havoc with your feelings.

One day you love your partner, the next you want to kick him to the kerb.

One day you are so happy, you wish you had another two babies, the next day you swear you’ll never have another.

You ask yourself, is it normal to cry 10 times a day?

But then, you ask is it normal to love your baby so much?

Ready for a change yet wanting things to stay as they are

You love being on maternity leave!

No work, no commute, no office, no structure.

But wait, you are going crazy changing nappies, giving baths, feeding all hours of the night – you wish for a bit of stability.

You wish you could use your brain a bit more, but dread going back to work and leaving your baby.

You can’t make a decision, you are even driving yourself crazy!

Speeding it up vs slowing it down

This is key with small children, you want them to get to the next developmental stage, but are equally sad to see the stages pass.

Smiling, rolling, sitting, crawling, walking, talking…they are so cute!

But to never change a nappy, have some free time, have a shower in peace…oh to dream!

It’s just a phase, but do you really want them passing too quickly?

 

 

 

 

 

Our advice…grab onto these dual feelings and make the most of them. New motherhood only happens once – embrace it and let it go!

Join us at our next postnatal course where you will simultaneously feel unsure, yet confident. Friendly yet shy. Happy you’re part of it, but sad it will be over soon.

In anticipation of our first Autumn course, we have lowered the price to £85 – don’t miss out on north London’s most popular postnatal course!

What new mums talk about…birth stories, feeding, sleep!

New mums get together for coffee and a chat; what do they talk about?

You will see new mums in north London congregating in packs, with huge buggies, breastfeeding pillows, designer nappy bags and of course, little babies in tow.  It is a mission to leave the house, so they will sit for hours chatting the day away whilst feeding, rocking, changing and getting on with looking after their babies.  But what do new mums talk about?

In our postnatal courses, often weeks will go by without any mention of ‘life outside babies’.  We don’t often talk career paths, current events, interests or anything beyond becoming a mum and what that entails.  But that is okay.  In fact, it is to be expected.  New mums are focussed on their new offspring and often just ‘getting through the day’ is a challenge enough in itself.

Our most commonly heard mum topics of conversation:

1)      Sleepless nights – being tired as a new mum is a given. But how tired you are, is anything but. Often the amazement of how crippling being sleep deprived can be is the main topic, as opposed to the fact itself. Following on from sleepless nights is how many times in the night your baby wakes, what times, how long it takes them to settle, and whether or not your partner wakes up too.  Don’t forget the key topic: WHO is the most sleep deprived between the two of you.  Mum trumps of course!

2)      Birth stories – if you sit down with a new mum, she will often tell you her birth story. It is a badge of honour getting through childbirth, and mums are rightly proud of their achievements. How quickly it progresses, inductions, epidurals and how partners coped during the delivery are all part of the conversation. It doesn’t really matter if you don’t want to hear about it; rest assured, you still will!

3)      Feeding – why is there such a minefield of opinions about how you feed your baby? Breastfeeding is no longer straightforward; the media has caught on and controversial stories of mums not being allowed to breastfeed are becoming the norm. Then on the flipside, celebrities (e.g. Gwen Stefani) are posting selfies to ‘normalize’ breastfeeding (as if anything celebrities do is normal) and you are left wondering how it all became so complicated! Mums do like to talk about their feeding choices: whether they felt guilty or not, how long they ‘lasted’ when breastfeeding, how their baby is thriving on formula etc.

4)      Baby milestones – is your baby smiling, rolling, sitting up, laughing yet? When are you starting weaning?  Watch out mums, this can get competitive (for no good reason); don’t get stressed over your baby’s every move, they will develop in their own time.

5)      Poo and other fun stuff – from colour to quantity, this will make its way into the conversation. As much as you may try to avoid it, it does come up.  Spitting up is another good one…

6)      How you are coping – everyone from health visitors to mothers-in-law will want to know your every thought about motherhood.  How are you finding it? It is what you expected? Are you loving every minute of it or finding it overwhelming? When mums get together however, sometimes this topic gets forgotten about or brushed under the carpet. Many mums want to appear that they are handling it all really well, even when they may not be. We encourage mums to talk about coping, getting help if needed, de-cluttering and learning how to become a mother – after all, it may not come easy to some.

Of course, the list could go on and on. Some mums like to get personal and find out exactly what (or what isn’t) going on in the bedroom and inevitably talk will turn to going back to work and when you will have your second. What do you and your mummy friends like to talk about?

Meet other new mums in North London!

To make a whole new set of mummy friends to chat with, book our next course!

Crouch End course starts on 9 September and East Finchley course starts on 8 October. Book here!

Magnificent Mumpreneurs!

We were very excited to be featured as Magnificent Mumpreneurs!

We love supporting new mums as we’ve both been there and know how tough it can be.

Check out our feature and please share as much as possible.